It's time for... Commander Cash!
I hate breakfast!
Hey kids, we're here to rescue you from... breakfast boredom!
With Commander Cash Superflakes!
- They're chocked full of... - Super sugar power!
Hey, and look what's inside:
- Free ultra-specs! - So you can read a secret message on the back!
The cereal is selling like hot cakes, Mr. Chairman.
And the secret message game in the ads on the box... The children are just eating it up.
So, be a superhero!
Be a superflake!
You love Commander Cash Superflakes, don't you, kids?
- I eat it every morning. - Me too, Mr. Atwater.
Atwater, are these your children?
- No, they're your grandchildren, sir. - My what?
Now look here, Atwater...
Don't worry, Mr. Chairman, they're just young actors playing your lovely grandchildren.
It's a perfect symbol for OCP.
And if you act now, you'll also receive... Bag-O-Guts!
Wow, looks like a real war wound!
- Grandpa, can I get a Bag-O-Guts? - Me too, grandpa, me too!
Step out of the truck.
I repeat, step out of the truck.
- Don't tell my dad, okay? - Mine neither!
Wow, Robocop!
Go ahead and shock the flatline, then let's quit.
Okay, everybody clear!
Officer Alex Murphy shot to death in the line of duty.
Legally he's dead. We can pretty much do what we want.
There's a new guy in town. His name's Robocop.
Murphy, it is you.
Give us three minutes, and we'll give you the world.
This is Media-Break with Bo Harlan and Rocky Crenshaw.
Our top story: A brand-new set for Media-Break. Rocky, how do you like it?
Well, you know, Bo, it's so big and impressive I can't help feeling, well... special.
You are special, Rocky.
Everyone is!
Now the news.
The chairman of Omni-Consumer Products finalized contracts today
initiating construction of a nation-wide chain of mid-price daycare centers.
Speaking of kids, seems like they'll do anything for Commander Cash toys and merchandise.
Even steal.
That's right, Bo.
Yesterday police arrested a dozen eight-year-olds in connection with over 20 toystore break-ins.
We talked to the genius behind the Commander Cash marketing phenomenon about this crime wave,
OCP's VP of children's marketing and entertainment, Simon Atwater.
I created Commander Cash for all the good boys and girls of the world.
And they love him bad because... he's a hero.
He's a hero of the economy, and everybody loves a hero.
So says Simon Atwater.
When questioned by police, the marauding children refuse to cooperate
until they and their attorneys were given Commander Cash chocolate bars.
Bad idea, Rocky, you know how hyper attorneys get when they eat too much sugar.
Non-lethals checkout.
You're ready for the kids, Robo.
Thank you.
I'll never have any kids, ever!
- Ever! You guys wanna know why? - Why?
'Cause I just spent the last 4 hours, got it, 4 hours
processing whining, screaming juveniles and then,
then calling their whining, screaming parents who swear their little Bobby and Suzy
couldn't possibly throw a trash can through a toystore window
and clean the place out of Commander Cash toys, no, and if they did whose fault is it?
It's mine, yes. They blame me, they blame OCP,
they blame Commander Cash cartoons, they blame everybody but themselves.
And if you even suggest or even hint that maybe, just maybe you've not properly supervised your little monsters
they get right in my face!
"Oh, what do you know about kids?", "How many kids do you have?",
"What do you think I should do based on your own barren existence?"
One of them actually called me barren, can you guys believe that?
No.
Your shift is over. Why don't you go home and relax?
Yeah, you know, take a bath, rent a movie,
adult, maybe, huh? - Oh yes, I'd love to, but I can't.
See, Sarge's at the Chicago convention
and I promised him I'd take Gadget to the opening of the new OCP omni-mall
so she can see Commander Cash!
I'll be there as well.
Crowd control.
Great, if thing get out of the hand, shoot some parents for me.
Hey, look what I got!
It's Little Miss Bag-O-Guts. It came with my Major Market doll.
Cool, huh?
I changed my mind, if things get out of the hand, shoot me.
Hey, everybody, come on! Wave to the Chairman!
It's great to get out and meet the consumers, isn't it, Mr. Chairman?
There are certainly plenty of them here.
You know, we could consider franchising these amusement centers,
Europe perhaps... France?
Can't miss.
Great idea, Mr. Chairman.
Do you know Commander Cash?
- Can we get your autograph? - Yeah, can we?
Always obey your parents and the law.
Excuse me... oh, I'm sorry, precious...
Mr. Robocop, my name is Brittany, I'm Simon Atwater's assistant,
and the chairman would like to see you right over there. Wow...
Mr. Chairman, how can I assist you?
We...
We would appreciate it if you could take the time to pose for pictures with Commander Cash.
Two heroes together, so to speak.
I understand if you have your duties to attend to...
But the children would love it. I mean, imagine their little eyes just lighting up with excitement.
We don't want to disappoint the children, now, do we?
I am on duty.
You know, you are so dedicated.
And that's just one of the things that really separates you from all the other OCP products.
You can't do this, I am Commander Cash, I...
We want Commander Cash! We want Commander Cash!
I now declare the OCP omni-mall officially... open!
We want Commander Cash! We want Commander Cash! We want Commander Cash!
Glad to see the little darlings haven't sold you for scrap.
Here he is!
He was supposed to come in the front entrance. Did you tell him that?
Yes.
Robocop! Always glad to meet a fellow superhero.
I am just a police officer.
What humility, so important when setting a good example for children.
But then, that's cartoon law.
- Hello, young citizen! - Hi, Commander Cash!
Did we all eat our Superflakes this morning?
- Yes! - Good, good.
Do we always do what Commander Cash says?
Yeah!
Well...
Commander Cash says... everything is free today! Take what you want!
What you doing?
Give me that, that's mine!
Children! Children, behave yourself!
Listen to me! Listen to grandpa!
What am I saying?
Gadget? Gadget, where are you?
That's right, boys and girls! Do what Commander Cash says!
Take what you want!
Children, children!
Merchandise is not free. No, your mommies and daddies have to buy it! Yes!
It's not free! Stop this immediately!
No, kids, do what Commander Cash says! It is free!
And all the rides are free, too!
Simon Atwater, you are an enemy of all children.
Officer Robocop! Arrest that villain! He's in violation of cartoon law!
Arrest that lunatic, before he does any more damage!
Take my advice, Robocop: Keep an eye on that man.
You are under arrest for inciting a riot.
You can't arrest me, I'm Commander Cash!
I'm a superhero. And superheroes don't commit crimes.
It's cartoon law!
- Goodbye, young citizen! - Bye, Commander Cash!
Well, Mr. Robocop, that didn't go very well, did it?
Just out of curiosity, why didn't you blow his sorry butt away?
Gadget, where are you?
I'm a police officer. Gadget!
I'm here! Look at all the stuff I've got! What?
- You are so busted. - Why, what did I do?
Mom and Dad out of town again?
Well, here's your home-alone buddy!
Commander Cash's Nitey-Nite Pal! So soft and comforting!
Of all the kids there, Gadget, you should've known better!
Hey, are you listening to me, do you hear what I'm saying, do you know how disappointed is the Sarge gonna be when he finds this out?
Oh. I need a Nitey-Nite Pal. Can you go and get one now?
Mom and Dad, don't leave them home alone unless they have Commander Cash's Nitey-Nite Pal!
Available at toy stores and armament shops everywhere!
Catching up on your reading, huh?
Charlie, what is cartoon law?
There is nothing in the database.
Cartoon law? Nice way to put it.
Well, you ever watched cartoons, Robo?
Watch this, Dad. He'll come back to win. The superhero always wins. Always.
The superhero always wins.
Yep, and he never lies, and he never breaks the law, and he never rests until the villain is brought to justice.
A simple matter of right and wrong.
Justice in its purest form.
Robo, check this out.
- Will this work? - Yeah-yeah, he can polarize in the color.
Read that.
Hi, Detroit police, I'd like to speak with Mr. Atwater, please.
Do you have an appointment?
I'm with the police.
Uh-huh. Do you have an appointment?
Thank you very much, gentlemen, you've done an excellent job.
You're welcome, sir.
Hi, Mr. Atwater, can I speak with you, please?
Of course.
I always have time for the brave men and women of our wonderful police department.
Brittany.
Hold some of my calls.
Looks like the evidence room at Metro South.
I'm very sorry these bad boys and girls have taken so much of your time, detective.
Commander Cash would be very upset. And I'm not talking about that criminal at the mall.
That's exactly what I want to talk to you about, Mr. Atwater.
- Have you caught him? - No.
But I would like to pick your brain about what you were thinking with your Superflakes packaging and commercials.
"Obey Commander Cash"!
Now that's pretty much the way that Commander Cash got the kids going at the mall, isn't it?
They were just excited about meeting their hero.
Excuse me.
I also checked the secret messages on the Commander Cash commercial spots: "You need Commander Cash toys!"
"You must have the new Eliminator-3000!"
"Get a Nitey-Nite Pal, now!"
Those are pretty strong statements to little kids, don't you think?
It's just a little game for the children.
Something special just for them.
We've made no attempt to deceive anyone.
I think it would be wise if OCP were to withdraw the ads and the cereal
until this whole thing calms down.
It's always so easy to blame us, isn't it?
And yet, it is the parents
who won't take the time with their little Bobby and Suzy,
who won't take the time to say it's all right to want and need things, it's natural.
But you can only have what Mommy and Daddy can afford to buy you,
and if Mommy and Daddy won't work as hard as other mommies and daddies and can't buy you what you want and need,
then it is up to you to work hard in school and to eat a balanced diet
so that you grow up strong and prosperous.
So that you can buy your little Bobby and Suzy what they need and want!
The ads... and cereal...
will remain as they are.
And if you are looking for something to do, I suggest you get out and find this lunatic...
before he burns my butt.
Robocop is on the case.
Robocop... Robocop, he was at the mall! And that lunatic made a clean getaway!
No, no, just as parents shouldn't look to OCP to raise their children,
I'm not going to rely on robots to keep me safe.
I think we're through here, detective.
Have a very nice day.
It is so nice to have somebody to eat lunch with.
Simon doesn't like me associating with the other employees very much.
He says I have a big mouth. Yeah.
Well, secrecy is power. That's what Simon says.
Simon also says he doesn't like kids. So what's he doing in the children marketing division?
Oh, he wasn't always there. He's actually a chemist.
He used to work for Security Concepts tactical war division and Psychopharmaceuticals.
Psychopharma... So why did he leave?
Well, nobody liked him very much. They said he stole all their ideas but they were just jealous.
And besides, chemists don't get nice big offices and nice big cars. And Simon likes those things a lot.
Why, he's going pretty good for a chemist with no previous marketing experience, huh?
Simon is so smart. He actually invented Commander Cash.
Oh, he must be very proud of that.
Well, actually he's proud of Superflakes. He made them up too.
No kidding!
He says that Superflakes is gonna take him to the top.
Have you ever tried them? Oh, they're really good.
I usually have them for lunch. A great big bowlful. Simon lets me have all I want for free.
Oh, guess what? Simon is gonna let me be Major Market at the opening
of the children's daycare center tomorrow, isn't that fantastic?
I'm really an actress.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
It's a first time I get to wear the costume outside of Simon's apartment.
- It's time for... - Commander Cash!
Commander Cash?
Hey, OCP didn't say nothing about a promotion. Are you sure you're supposed to be here?
Well, citizen, Commander Cash goes wherever he is needed.
Wherever there is injustice.
Trust me on this one, citizen.
Hey, kids!
- Did you all have your Commander Cash Superflakes this morning? - Yeah!
- Do you always do what Commander Cash says? - Yeah!
Well, Commander Cash says...
take what you want, it's free!
Don't touch that! It's not free!
You moron, what the hell are you doing? You stop those brats right now, or I'm gonna sue you!
Do you like the Eliminator-3000?
Yeah, sure... Commander Cash, it's a real strong-seller.
Well, this one's mine.
And here's use number 351.
Step aside, citizens.
Hated to do that. But there's no room in this world's economy for impostors.
Here, son.
Don't forget your Nitey-Nite Pals!
Can't enjoy a good night sleep without them, you know!
Take care, sleep well!
Know that Commander Cash is ever vigilant.
Take it easy, young man.
No need to rush.
No!
- Is he dead? - He can't be, he's Commander Cash!
Mommy, that man just shot Commander Cash!
Robo, please help Commander Cash, someone hurt him!
I will do what I can.
Jeez... That really hurts.
You are under arrest. Come with me.
Boys and girls, Commander Cash says: Stop Robocop!
- Don't touch him, he's our friend! - Stop, he's good, you're bad!
Stay right there!
Until we meet again, Robocop! I salute you, fellow superhero!
Bye!
Until we meet again, Commander Cash.
- Hey! - Sorry, Gadget, I'll explain later.
Here, have something more nutritious.
- Choco... bar? - Do what detective Madigan says, okay, dear? I'll see you later!
Charlie, I need you.
You do?
Welcome to Commander Cash citadel of solitude!
TARGETING
Atwater secretary, better known as Major Market, spilled it all, man. This guy is a chemist.
His specialty is Psychopharmaceuticals.
- Really? - Yes. Hallucinogens and hypnotics.
Remember when I told you Gadget phased out during that commercial? She was eating that cereal.
- So you think that... - Superflakes is Atwater's pride and joy,
on the basis of this stuff he has turned another division into his huge money-maker.
How?
I checked the national juvenile crime files, right?
This jump in crime only happened here, in this area,
the only place in America where they test marketing Superflakes.
Madigan, there's nothing in the cereal.
What?
Well...
Check the... check the box, right? Check the box, it's gotta be the box!
Okay.
Commander Cash!
Come out with your hands up!
Don't struggle, Robocop.
This will all be over before you know it.
I would never hurt a fellow superhero.
You have to trust me.
Cartoon law?
Exactly.
I'll need your spike.
This will explain everything much better than I can.
Enjoy the show.
It all began at the offices of Mili-Tech Concepts,
where mild-mannered audial-visual research scientist Tex Jones worked.
Okay. Jesus, it's great.
With my new face pulse image projector...
and these special glasses
I could literally burn our secret messages into the brains of our operatives.
Our brave spies would never miss an important message again.
And I'd still have time for you... Commander Cash.
He'll reach out to kids everywhere.
Oh, he'll inspire them to make our world a better place for all.
But little did the clean-living Tex know
just outside his door evil lurked.
Howdy, Tex! I'm Simon Atwater, marketing chemist at Psychopharmaceuticals.
I've heard all about your research with pulse images
and I've got a proposition for you.
I've just stolen... I mean, created
a psychohypnotic that can make people just about anything we want them to.
And it's undetectable,
until mixed with a common calcium-phosphorous-based chemical.
Why are you telling me all this?
Because I'm busting out of this nowhere-tech job
and climbing the corporate ladder all the way to the top.
Imagine making people buy your product, any product.
Consumers bent to our will. Unlimited power at my disposal!
But... what you want from me?
You've created the perfect message delivery system
and the perfect salesman, an icon that everyone, even kids can trust.
Never! I won't let you corrupt my work and my dreams with your filthy schemes!
Get out!
Hey, no problem, buddy.
I'm not even going to try to change your mind.
Have a nice day.
No!
Tex was supposed to die that day.
But he didn't. It took a long time for him to recover.
But in the end he was reborn.
He was no longer a mild-mannered scientist with a flare for art.
And, in the business news:
OCP's Simon Atwater has been promoted, yet again.
His dreams have been stolen, so he had no choice
but to be those dreams, to become Commander Cash!
Because when evil takes everything away from you...
what choice do you have... but become a superhero?
Well, we checked the cereal, the box, the ultraspecs,
we even checked the 20%-off coupon on OCP... (?) that came in the box.
There's nothing in any of it that could turn kids into zombies for Commander Cash.
There's got to be, there has to be.
It is. The hypnotic is dormant.
Until mixed with a calcium-phosphorous base.
What?
Just add... milk.
Thank you, Mr. Chairman, I'm very pleased.
Excuse me.
I have to go to my office to get some sales figures for the press.
Will you please stop feeding your face and act like a superheroine? Thank you.
I've come for you, Atwater.
- Jones! - Jones is dead.
Jones is insane.
Why don't you get out of here before I call security?
You perverted my image.
I could've sold your toys without the mind control but...
no, you had no faith in me.
You exploited innocent children to line your pockets with ill-gotten gains!
Is that what you think this is all about?
Toys? Money?
In ten years those little brats are going to be running everything.
And guess who's going to be running them?
Me!
World domination?
You villains never learn!
How about a little product testing, Jones?
Nitey-Nite, pal!
You won't get away with this, Atwater.
Spare me your comic-book morality.
Simon Atwater, you are under arrest.
I've had it with you guys.
Hold on, Robo!
I'm coming.
You are a hero.
Excuse me, how long does Mr. Atwater expect to be? I can't wait all afternoon.
I'll go find him, Mr. Chairman.
Let me top you off there, chief!
Simon!
Where have you been? The chairman is getting really fidgety.
Yeah? Well, you can tell the chairman...
Hold it, Atwater! Keep your hands where I can see them!
You're under arrest.
Can you see them now, officer? Can you see what they're holding?
Don't try anything, there are a lot of innocent children around here
and we wouldn't want to hurt them, would we?
Simon, this is scary!
Shut up, Brittany!
Simon Atwater!
You are coming with us.
No, I'm not. She is coming with me.
Atwater, have you lost your mind?
No, but I've lost everything else and I'm not very happy about it!
Major Market!
Commander Cash says: Stop that fiend!
Am I ever in character?
You've ruined everything! Everything!
And this is not the end of me! I will be back!
In the name of justice and a strong economy.
Commander Cash says: You're finished!
Get up!
Once again, good triumphs over evil.
Yes. Cartoon law.